Unapologetic Love Story

"Unapologetic Love Story" by Elle McNicoll follows Raina Lewis, an autistic woman and the host of the podcast “Disability Track” and the investigative journalist Tom Branimir, who is currently working on writing his book. So far, all the people in Tom’s book are terrible people he has exposed for their messed-up actions. That’s why his editor gives him the advice to write a chapter with a more positive note to bring a little bit more hopefulness into his book. This is where Raina comes into his life. After seeing her at a party he was forced to attend, he cannot avert his eyes from her. He is drawn to her like a moth to a flame. So, he decides to talk to her with the premise of wanting to write a chapter about her in his upcoming book. Raina knows his previous works, so she is sceptical of the tall, brutish Scottish man, who is known by the nickname “King of Cancel Culture”. She also quickly realises that he doesn’t know anything about Autism and autistic people beyond the harmful stereotypes that have existed in society for a long time. Raina doesn’t want to give Tom the satisfaction and opportunity to write anything negative about her but still decides to use this opportunity to teach him a lesson. However, she didn’t expect him to be the one to see through all of her masks… The book approaches many different topics within the story but the most important aspect, at least for me, is the Autism representation. Through Raina the reader gets to learn how it can feel to be an autistic woman in her late 20s, trying to live in a world that was not built for people like her. The book gives great insights on her feelings, experiences and struggles and shows what Autism can look like beyond the harmful stereotypes society still clings to when it comes to it. Things like sensory issues, trust issues, struggles regarding socialising, masking, shut-downs and so on are brought up in the story. And since this is a romance book, we get an insight of how it can be and feel like to fall in love and be loved as an Autistic woman. Before I dive even deeper into the importance of the book and its representation of autistic women, I’d like to talk about the writing of the book and narration of the audiobook. The story is written from Raina and Tom’s POV and it keeps switching between those two. Therefore, we get a closer insight into both characters’ lives. This was my first book by Elle McNicoll and it’s safe to say it won’t be my last. I really like the way she writes. It doesn’t feel forced in any way, it flows very well and once I started I simply could not stop reading. (Seriously, I’ve read the first 70% of this book in one go and I only stopped because it was 3:30am and I couldn’t keep myself awake any longer.) The book and the story are beautifully written and the events and everything that follows, makes sense and is overall built very well. I believe a good audiobook narration can make an already great book, even better and that is the case here as well. I enjoyed Jessie Mei Li’s narration a lot. It was engaging and emotional and I think they gave the characters justice with their performance. Heads up, the following part of this review will get a little bit personal... Where do I begin… Maybe I should start with the fact that, after finishing reading this book for the first time, I immediately started reading it all over again. This has never happened to me before. Yes, I do occasionally re-read books, but never immediately after finishing them. I usually need a little more time but with this one, I simply couldn’t get enough. And I will be honest, I am currently fighting the urge to start reading it for a third time (I will re-read it again, I am just trying to hold it off until my physical copy arrives so I can transfer and scribble all my thoughts and annotations into it while reading as well). But let’s be real, how could I, an autistic woman and fellow hopeless romantic, not end up fixating on a story with great Autism representation like this? I think I’ve lost count on how many I had tears roll down my cheeks while reading this and feeling so unbelievably seen by Raina and her experiences. To be able to read a story about an autistic character, that feels so fiercely and deeply and loves love, was so refreshing and honestly meant the world to me. I was once told by a psychiatrist that I could not have Autism because, and I quote, „I am able to empathise with others and read their emotions. Autistic people struggle with that. “…Yeah, well not all of us struggle with feeling emotions and empathy (a bulls*it stereotype). We are capable of feeling emotions and empathise with others. Not just that, some of us can be hyper-empathetic and feel emotions very deeply. So, to have a character like Raina, who’s unapologetic about her feelings and shows genuine kindness to her surroundings and always tries to see the good in people, means a lot to me. I am like this as well and the world is constantly trying to convince us that this is a weakness and sees us as somewhat gullible fools, when in reality, it is something I cherish about myself. Yes, it is very draining, yes it can be really heavy sometimes and yes people have and will use us for their benefit because of it, but despite all of that, I wouldn’t want to change it for the world. Last but not least (seriously, I have so many thoughts and feelings about this book, I would be writing multiple pages about it, if wouldn’t have to pace myself and avoid giving spoilers) I would like to talk about one small detail in this book that, among many other things, has made me cry while reading it. Being loved deeply and wholeheartedly for who you are is something very beautiful and I think this book has conveyed that well. But being told that someone loves your brain and finds it incredible? Well, that one hit me harder than a simple "I love you“. Because sometimes, it is very easy for us to come to resent the way we are, to hate our brain and struggle to accept and embrace the way it is. No matter what we do or how hard we try, we will never really fit in a society that refuses to accept us. We don’t fit into the pre-existing default mould the world wants us to fit in to. But we still try. We try so hard sometimes, we disregard and sacrifice our own well-being and who we truly are, just to be a part of it all and not get ostracized. We try so hard, we end up warring with our own brain and grow to resent it. So, to have someone say that they love your brain, something that, despite all the self-acceptance you've accomplished, you might have a complicated relationship to, is incredibly valuable. To have someone unapologetically love and cherish you for who you truly are, even if you can’t do it yourself sometimes, is really nice to see. Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for giving me the opportunity to listen to and review this Audiobook ALC!