Introduction 1
About This Book 1
What You're Not to Read 2
Foolish Assumptions 2
Conventions Used in This Book 2
How This Book Is Organised 2
Part I: All About You: What Every Parent Should Know 3
Part II: All About Babies 3
Part III: All About Toddlers 3
Part IV: All About Preschoolers 3
Part V: All About Schoolies 4
Part VI: All About Siblings 4
Part VII: The Part of Tens 4
Icons Used in This Book 4
Where to Go from Here 5
Part I: All About You: What Every Parent Should Know 7
Chapter 1: Help! Where Do I Start? The Basics 9
Knowing Your Child: Ages and Stages 10
Baby 10
Toddler 10
Preschooler 11
Schoolchild 11
Oh, and watch for the funny bits 12
Knowing Yourself 12
Your role: Parts all parents should play 13
Your goals: Hopes all parents have 13
Your fears: Worries all parents share 14
Don't Panic - It All Comes Together in the End! 14
Chapter 2: You're in Charge: Setting Boundaries 17
Boundary Basics 17
Understanding why boundaries work (even when they're broken) 18
Setting boundaries wisely 18
Strict? Easy going? What's your parenting style? 19
Toeing the Line: Making Boundaries Work 20
Being clear, certain, and consistent 20
Making it cool to do the right thing 21
Spelling out the consequences 22
Following through 22
Great ways to minimise boundary-breaking 23
Moving on: Reshaping boundaries together 24
Chapter 3: You Are Not Alone: Massing the Troops 25
Working with Your Partner 25
Discovering the truth about kids and relationships 26
Sharing the load 26
'But Daddy said ': Presenting a united parenting front 27
Finding time to be together 28
Working with Other Parents 29
Why what they say can keep you sane 30
And when you're better off not listening 30
A word about mothers - and mothers-in-law 31
Single but Not Solo 32
Finding back-up 32
Choosing mentors 33
Step-parenting: Raising a 'blended' family 33
Chapter 4: Other Secrets of Great Parenting 35
Right Way? Wrong Way? Your Way 35
Big-Picture Parenting: Eight Skills That Will Serve You for Years 36
Avoiding the Common Parenting Pitfalls 38
Comparing and contrasting 38
Over-parenting 39
Setting too much store by stuff 39
Five Golden Mantras Great Parents Repeat Every Day 40
'Onwards and upwards' 40
'Don't forget to laugh' 40
'Once more, with feeling' 41
'Guilt gets you nowhere' 41
'It's a phase' 41
Horrid comments even good parents hear 42
Chapter 5: Childminders, Nurseries, and Nannies 43
Choosing the Right Option for You 43
The day nursery 44
The childminder 44
The nanny 45
The granny 46
Finding the Right People for the Job 47
Going on a nursery hunt? 47
Going on a childminder hunt? 49
Going on a nanny hunt? 50
And when they're older? 52
Separation and Settling In 53
The Wise Parent's Guide to Childcare 54
Back to Work 54
The practicalities: Sorted! 55
The guilt: Busted! 55
Part II: All About Babies 57
Chapter 6: Surviving, Thriving, and Diving In: Getting Accustomed to Having a Baby 59
The First Six Weeks 59
Fasten on your L-plates 60
Tear up the to-do list 60
Jump at all offers of help 60
Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me? 61
He looks so weird! 61
He cries such a lot 61
It's a boy/girl thing: clinginess 63
I can't handle this tiredness 64
He's suddenly so hungry 64
Heated debate: Dummies - good or bad? 64
Holding Patterns 66
Fab or fad? Attachment parenting 67
Nappy Know-how 67
Disposables or reusables? 67
Changing-mat rules and ruses 68
Blotchy bottoms 69
Settling In: Life after Six Weeks 69
The beginnings of routine 70
Getting out and about 70
Eight things never to leave the house without 71
Looking After Yourself 71
Making some me-time 72
Coping? Of course I'm coping! 72
Looking After Your Relationship 72
Tiff triggers and how to avoid them 73
The four rules of relationship rehab 74
Chapter 7: Mmmm, Mmmm, Good: Feeding Baby 75
The Truth about Breastfeeding 75
Why breastfeeding's great 76
Why breastfeeding's hard 76
Breastfeeding myths: busted 77
Giving breastfeeding your best shot 78
How to breastfeed 79
What to do when your milk 'comes in' 81
Why we give up - and how to avoid it 81
Throwing up all over: reflux explained 83
Supplementary bottles 84
Express yourself: A guide to the breast pump 85
Doing it in public 86
Doing it and working 87
Weaning from the breast 87
The Truth about Bottlefeeding 88
Vital safety facts 89
Overfeeding and weight charts 90
The breastfed baby who won't take a bottle 90
There She Blows! The Strange New Art of Winding 91
Chapter 8: Moving on to Solids 93
When to Start Solids 93
Letting the Food Fun Begin 95
Getting ready: Spoons and bowls and other essentials 95
Grub's up! Loading the spoon 96
Open wide: Here it comes! 97
Beyond First Bites: Purée and Simple 98
Baby-led weaning 100
Being a Food Whizz 100
Allergy Alert: Signs to Watch For 101
Up for the Cup? 101
Chapter 9: Sweet Dreams: Getting Baby to Sleep 103
What's Normal? 103
Safe Sleeping 104
The family bed 105
Distinguishing Night and Day 106
A word about naps 107
And So to Bed 108
Creating the ritual: Bath, cuddle, bed 108
Here's the rub: Massage magic 109
Soothing ideas 110
Beware the bad bed habits 110
Sleeping bags 111
Sleeping Through: Teaching Baby to Self-Calm 111
A room of his own 112
Wailing in the Wee Hours 113
Hungry cry? Scared cry? Hurt cry? 113
What to do when it happens again (1) 114
What to do when it happens again (2) 115
When enough's enough: Time to get tough 115
Chapter 10: Playing, Learning, and Socialising 117
Big Movements for Little Babies 117
Tummy time 118
And sit! 119
Doing the locomotion 119
Shake, Rattle, and Roll: The Truth about Baby Toys 121
Baby Talk, Buddy Talk: Developing Early Language and Social Skills 123
Coochy-coo: Why baby chat works 123
Baby signing 124
Do I know you? Becoming aware of self and others 125
It's a boy/girl thing: girls talk; boys walk 126
Six Cool Things New Mums Should Do (Eventually) 127
Over-stimulating (and How to Avoid It) 128
On or Off? Babies and TV 129
Part III: All About Toddlers 131
Chapter 11: Keeping Baby Healthy 133
Newborn Niggles and Teething Twinges 133
Cradle cap 133
Oral thrush 134
Nappy rash 134
Teething pains 134
Vaccinations: What You Need to Know 135
The vaccination programme 135
The heated debate: To jab or not to jab? 136
Making jabs less of a pain 137
Seven ways to boost your baby's health 137
What to Do When Your Baby is Ill 138
Fever 138
Vomiting and diarrhoea 139
Coughs and colds 139
Spots and rashes 140
Common infectious illnesses 141
Meningitis: The need-to-know facts 143
Allergies, Asthma, and Eczema 143
Allergies 144
Eczema 144
Asthma 145
Protecting your child in the sun 146
Chapter 12: Potty-Training 147
Why Potty-Training's Easier Than You Think - And How We Make It Harder 147
Realistic Expectations 148
When to try for dry days 149
When to try for dry nights 149
Natural infant hygiene 150
Potty Preparations 150
The warm-up 150
Is your child ready? 151
Are you ready? 152
Got the props? 153
Pick a method, any method 153
Okay, Let's Go! Potty-Training Boot Camp, Day One 154
How to make it easy pees-y for her 155
How to make it easy pees-y for you 155
Nappies and naps 156
Accidents will happen 156
Now wash your hands 157
So, how did it go? 157
The ups and downs of pull-ups 157
You're Almost There: Beyond Day One 158
Venturing outside 158
Letting her take the lead 159
Using the big toilet 160
'I can wipe my own bottom' 160
'I want to stand up like Dad' 160
Dealing with Setbacks 161
Poo refusal 161
Regression 162
The tough nut 162
Nappyless Nights: Worth the Wait 163
Chapter 13: Tantrum Tactics 165
What Lies Beneath: The Toddler Tantrum Explained 165
The beginner-level tantrum 166
The intermediate-level tantrum 166
Reacting with a Bomb, er, Aplomb 166
Staying cool: Chill skills you need to know 166
Being firm: It's what he wants (really) 167
Your Anti-scream Action Plan 168
Spotting the tantrum triggers (and why you're probably one of them) 168
Heading off the meltdown 169
Oh no! Stopping the strop 169
Calming after the storm 170
Special Tantrums, Special Measures 171
Ssh, everyone's looking! The public strop 171
Pushing, biting, and other nasty habits 171
Smacking (why it won't get you anywhere) 172
Chapter 14: Food and Sleep 173
Toddler Eating: The Need-to-Know Facts 173
Good eats, good treats 174
Manners maketh matters worse? 176
Little porkers: The truth about tubby tots 176
Food and teeth: Surprising stuff 177
What We Worry About: Common Parent Complaints 178
She won't eat vegetables 179
She won't drink (cow's) milk 179
Giving up the bottle 180
She won't eat meat 181
She won't let me feed her 181
She won't try anything new 182
She just won't eat 182
Five ways to fox fussy eaters 183
Sleeping Patterns: What's Normal, What's Not 183
A word about naps 184
What Keeps Us Awake At Night - and What To Do About It 185
She still won't sleep through 185
She suddenly won't sleep through 186
She won't go to bed 187
She comes into our bed 188
She gets up too early 188
Time for a 'big' bed? 189
Chapter 15: Keeping Your Toddler Safe 191
Toddlerproofing Your Home: The Hands and Knees Tour 191
Danger zone one: The kitchen 193
Danger zone two: The bathroom 194
Danger zone three: The stairs 194
Danger zone four: The garden 195
What about other people's houses? 195
Houseproofing Your Toddler 196
Staying Safe on the Road 197
Buckling up in the car 197
Kerbside rules 198
Playing Safe 199
Danger! Don't lose your perspective 200
At the park 200
At the pool 201
Chapter 16: Playing, Learning, and Socialising 203
Word Up! Encouraging Language Skills 203
The art of conversation 204
The sway of song 206
The power of books 206
Saying Daddy before she says Mummy - it's not personal 207
Why dogs are cats - and other mysteries 207
Watching TV: The good and the bad 208
Ready, Steady, Go! Winning Play for Active Bodies 208
Upwardly mobile: From toddling to trikes 209
Fun at her fingertips: Little hands at work 211
The Art of Play: With You, With Others 213
Friends over? Time to parallel play 213
In adult company? Time for reflective play 214
Going solo? Time for independent play 214
Playtime over? Time to tidy up! 215
Making the most of toddler groups 215
Part IV: All About Preschoolers 217
Chapter 17: Behaviour and Discipline 219
Warning! Tough Times Ahead! 219
Why little darlings act like little demons 220
Great expectations? Lower them now! 221
Managing Behaviour 221
Tactics that work 221
Watch your language 224
Tactics that can backfire - and why 225
Five patented parent wind-ups - and how not to let them get to you 226
Teaching Please, Thank You, and Other Good Manners 228
Instilling Values: Five to Teach Your Child by the Age of 5 229
Chapter 18: Food Fights and Sleep Frights 231
The Picky Eaters' Club 231
Getting the nutritional facts straight 231
Eat up! Feeding fads that drive you mad 232
Food mistakes even good parents make 235
Ten ace appetite-boosting ideas 236
But what if she's a big eater? 237
Sleep and Not-So-Sweet Dreams 238
What's normal, what's not 238
What keeps her up - and how to get her back down 239
Chapter 19: Playing, Learning, and Socialising 243
Mind Games and Make-believe 243
Imaginary powers 244
It's a boy/girl thing: The car/doll divide 245
Curiouser and curiouser 246
'Where do babies come from, Mummy?' 247
A word about TV 247
Look Who's Talking! Language Skills 248
Let's Get Physical! Revving Up Those Motor Skills 249
Active bodies 249
Busy fingers 250
Fun with Friends 251
Mine! All mine! Oh, okay, your turn 251
It's playtime! 252
Chapter 20: Heading to Preschool 255
Choosing the Best Preschool for You Both 255
What matters most? 256
What to look for 257
Ten questions not to leave without asking 257
Getting Ready for the First Day 258
Preparing your child 259
Settling in and saying goodbye 259
And when she comes home 260
Thinking Ahead to Big School 260
Making the right choice 261
What your child needs to know before she starts - and what she doesn't 263
What if we don't get the place we want? 264
Part V: All About Schoolies 265
Chapter 21: Starting School 267
School's Cool: Creating the Right Attitude 267
Taking the First Year (Reception, P1) in Your Stride 269
The first day 269
Ten little things that'll make a big difference 270
Strange faces, tricky places 271
It's a boy/girl thing: The great gender divide 271
Bouncy boys and summer-borns 273
Things that may take you by surprise: Part one 273
The Lowdown on Moving on Up: From Infants to Juniors 275
The 'small' years (Years 1 and 2) 275
The 'big' years (Years 3 and 4) 276
Things that may take you by surprise: Part two 276
The Secrets of Good Parent-Teacher Communication 278
Be the kind of parent teachers appreciate 279
Listen and learn at parents' evening 279
Chapter 22: Eating, Sleeping, and Staying Healthy 281
Smart Food Tactics for Smart Kids 281
Good choices, bad choices 282
Tackling weighty issues 283
Want to try this? Widening tastes 284
School lunch or lunch box? 285
Time for Bed! Sleep for Schoolies 285
Into bed 286
Out of bed 287
Wet beds 288
Keeping Your Older Child Healthy 288
Wobbling teeth 288
Accidents will happen 289
Growing up and puberty 289
Bringing home more than homework 290
Keeping Your Older Child Safe 291
Chapter 23: Behaviour and Responsibility 293
What to Expect: The Good and the Bad 293
Refining Your Tactics One: Encouraging Good Behaviour 294
Spend some time alone with him 294
Set clear rules 295
Dish out the praise 295
Give rewards 295
Seek co-operation cleverly 296
Make sure that he's heard you 296
Be open to negotiation 297
Hold family meetings 297
Refining Your Tactics Two: Handling Bad Behaviour 298
Have a code word 298
Act as cool as a cucumber 298
Acknowledge his feelings and share yours 299
Withdraw your attention 299
Make him take a break 299
Offer a choice: Way out or consequence? 300
Impose consequences 300
Forgive and forget 301
The five patented parent wind-ups - and how not to let them get to you 301
Done Your Chores? Fostering a Sense of Responsibility 302
Plugging Away at Good Manners 303
Chapter 24: Friends, Self, and the World Beyond 305
Fostering Friendships 305
Making friends: The need-to-know facts 306
Friendship smoothers and fixers 306
Nurturing a Sense of Self 307
Boosting self-respect 308
Accepting your child for who she is 309
Giving her space 309
It's a boy/girl thing: Different ways to praise 309
Letting her be bored 310
Doing stuff after school 310
'Oh, the things they say!' 311
Nine things to have done by age 9 312
Nurturing Values and Respect for Others 312
The rites of passage 313
Understanding Big People's Upheavals and Small People's Feelings 314
Death 314
Divorce 315
Bombs and bad news 315
The truth about TV and computer games 316
Part VI: All About Siblings 317
Chapter 25: The New Arrival 319
Don't Mind the Gap! 319
Setting the Scene 320
Preparing Child One for Child Two 320
Thinking about the practicalities 321
Hello, Baby! Making Introductions 322
Reactions To Be Ready For 323
What your child may do 323
The sibling doll 325
How you may feel 326
Five Ideas to Keep Your Head Above Water 328
Chapter 26: Squabble Solutions 329
Born to Fight: Why Squabbling's Normal 329
Diversionary Tactics 330
Oi, Referee! Knowing When and How to Get Involved 331
When to stay out of it 331
When to step in - and how 331
'No, mine!' Fights over property rights 333
Fixing It So They Squabble Less 334
'But it's not fair!' 335
Chapter 27: Loving Them All the Same 337
Am I Your Favourite, Mummy? 337
Making each child feel special 338
When one child needs more attention 339
What if you really do have a favourite? 339
He's Sporty, She's Clever: Not Letting Those Labels Stick 340
Beware of labels that limit 340
Give a dog a bad name 341
Born To Be Different? The Truth About Birth Order 341
'I never get to muck about': Understanding your oldest child 342
'No one ever listens to me!': Understanding your middle child(ren) 343
'No one takes me seriously': Understanding your youngest child 344
But I've only got one child 345
Part VII: The Part of Tens 347
Chapter 28: Ten Ways to Keep Your Cool 349
Find your deep voice 349
Count to ten 349
Ignore the small stuff 350
Respect the clock 350
Give yourself time out 350
Explain what you expect 350
Remember how old they are (or not) 351
Say how you feel 351
Say yes (sneakily) 351
See the funny side 351
Chapter 29: Ten First-Aid Must-Knows 353
She's had a bump 353
She's got a huge cut 354
She's been scalded 354
She's got such a high fever 354
She's having a fit 355
She's swallowed poison 355
She's choking 355
She's been bitten or stung 356
She's got a nosebleed 356
She's just not right 356
Chapter 30: Ten Things You Need For Your Baby (And Ten Things You Don't) 357
Shopping on a tight budget 358
The Moses basket 358
The cot (and bedding) 358
The changing mat and bag 359
The nappies 359
The travel cot 360
The car seat 360
The wheels 361
The baby seat 363
The sling 363
The clothes 364
Ten Don't-needs (Whatever the Ads Say) 364
Index 367
